Out of the Box - Family
In this post I want to write down few things around family and marriage.Family is such a powerful institution which is the very base of this
human society.It is the place where the next generation of the humans are born ,raised and nurtured. As a kid I never used to understand the values that my parents were trying
to inculcate in me,only as an adult and only when I am trying to mother a child is when I realise the enormous number of times I refer back to who I am ,and what my parents
taught. There are many advantages of having a sound family.In my observation ,I find a person who comes from a stable good family more contended inside out than a person
who isnt,even though the later might have other richess,the one with a good family is more well rounded.
If family is this huge tree of life, then marriage is the seed.Needless to emphasise the importance of a good marriage for a healthy family,In my article I want to put forth
some out of the box ideas about marriage. I request all of you to put on your creative hats and be open to my opinion.
Marriage is a blissful thing which every adult at some point might have thought about.Every body has their own criteria for choosing a life partner. My criteia was he should be a
well educated man, who is from India,who can speak my language so that I can express my thoughts freely etc..I think that my choice was very much in the comfort zone.
what if you like a person who has different religious beliefs than yours ,or who comes from different geographical region,and who is of a different race? should you still go ahead and marry the person?
In a bigger picture I think you are one step closer to smudging very complex ,deep rooted boundaries that are the causes to most of the problems in this world today.
Marriage truly to the core is an institution which leaves you as a man and a woman ,as an individuals rather than to which religion a man belongs or to which race a woman belongs.
At the end of the day it all doesnt matter,To the core its just two.
If you are confidant about yourself,truely have the ability to respect each others differences,and are open minded and try to mingle with each
others religions,cultures then why not ?
This concept of inter religious, inter racial and inter caste marriages,
have become very common now. What caused this increase ?In my view education is the key, more and more people are getting educated which caused the change in the perspectives.Education
is taking us to places and giving us the oppurtunity to meet people with varied background.One more key factor for this change is Internet.
The world is getting flatter and information is becoming easily available through internet,breaking down all the hierarchies.
Most of the issues in marriage are caused by external factors,be it any type of marriage.For inter-X marriage society is one such external factor.Society being somebody well with in your
family or somebody outside.The mind set is so that we try to categorize individuals into some or the other group based on ethnicity or religion.That comes so involutarily to us like breathing,
when we try to reason this,the reason would be we have seen all our life someone as close as our parents doing it so its very natural to us and often tend to forget that at the
very core these are after all man made boundaries.We categorize them with certian perjudices in mind.If at all something has to change at an individual level to be more open ,
to think out of the box towards inter-X marriages or towards the present society issues,In my view this is the place to start.
One more prominent and sensitive issue that most of the couples that chose to marry some one outside their zone ,is children. To which religion will they belong ?
To which enthnicity will they belong.Again its our natural tendency I guess to belong to some group.Can they belong to more than one single group ?
Is their something like I am both a christian and a Hindu ? Spriritually yes it is all one and the same.
But that doesnt stop there, children will be under a constant pressure to belong to some belief.Because religion is again something that a man made,So if you are following a
religion there are certain rules and rituals that you will stick to.Because of this the children of mixed parentage tend to align themselves to which ever religion or
faith that is more dominant in the family or dominant in the society.The common practice that inter-X parents take in this scenario is either leave the whole choice
upto the children with out even talking about it or decide upon one faith and influence them with it.In my view both are wrong. This is the place where communication
between parents and children holds utmost important.The gates of communication should always be open. Parents should constantly guide children through this as its not
only a new concept to the young heart but also to the more mature society around him.If possible parents have to settle down in sorroundings which is more acceptable to this
new revolution.
The third issue here is,whether the marriage would be acceptable to parents and the extended family. The extended family at the least parents acceptance might look like a minor
factor a the time of marriage for the young blood,but in a long term for the emotional security of the family their acceptance stands as a very important factor.The seperation
might result in a lack of emotional security both for the parents and especially children.The children need to be felt as part of the family ,they need to grow among
other family with people of different ages and temperaments.Sense of belonging is something that nature has welded into us and we cannot break it .The solution to this is
from both sides.Parents and other family members need to understand and respect the individuals decision and treat him as an adult.And its individuals responsibility
to persuade and clearly express his interests and why he made this choice.He needs to introspect more and analyze all the reasons why he wants to go ahead
with this marriage.The family togther if can ,should be open for discussion.
In this generation where the family values are constantly questioned,I am still a strong believer of this powerful institution called family.
I hope that I will translate all the ideas into actions and guide my children and make them a better human beings.No matter what kind of choice they make ,I will pray
God to give me the strength to guide them and most importantly be with them and not abandon them.I sincerely wish every child gets such support from their family.
human society.It is the place where the next generation of the humans are born ,raised and nurtured. As a kid I never used to understand the values that my parents were trying
to inculcate in me,only as an adult and only when I am trying to mother a child is when I realise the enormous number of times I refer back to who I am ,and what my parents
taught. There are many advantages of having a sound family.In my observation ,I find a person who comes from a stable good family more contended inside out than a person
who isnt,even though the later might have other richess,the one with a good family is more well rounded.
If family is this huge tree of life, then marriage is the seed.Needless to emphasise the importance of a good marriage for a healthy family,In my article I want to put forth
some out of the box ideas about marriage. I request all of you to put on your creative hats and be open to my opinion.
Marriage is a blissful thing which every adult at some point might have thought about.Every body has their own criteria for choosing a life partner. My criteia was he should be a
well educated man, who is from India,who can speak my language so that I can express my thoughts freely etc..I think that my choice was very much in the comfort zone.
what if you like a person who has different religious beliefs than yours ,or who comes from different geographical region,and who is of a different race? should you still go ahead and marry the person?
In a bigger picture I think you are one step closer to smudging very complex ,deep rooted boundaries that are the causes to most of the problems in this world today.
Marriage truly to the core is an institution which leaves you as a man and a woman ,as an individuals rather than to which religion a man belongs or to which race a woman belongs.
At the end of the day it all doesnt matter,To the core its just two.
If you are confidant about yourself,truely have the ability to respect each others differences,and are open minded and try to mingle with each
others religions,cultures then why not ?
This concept of inter religious, inter racial and inter caste marriages,
have become very common now. What caused this increase ?In my view education is the key, more and more people are getting educated which caused the change in the perspectives.Education
is taking us to places and giving us the oppurtunity to meet people with varied background.One more key factor for this change is Internet.
The world is getting flatter and information is becoming easily available through internet,breaking down all the hierarchies.
Most of the issues in marriage are caused by external factors,be it any type of marriage.For inter-X marriage society is one such external factor.Society being somebody well with in your
family or somebody outside.The mind set is so that we try to categorize individuals into some or the other group based on ethnicity or religion.That comes so involutarily to us like breathing,
when we try to reason this,the reason would be we have seen all our life someone as close as our parents doing it so its very natural to us and often tend to forget that at the
very core these are after all man made boundaries.We categorize them with certian perjudices in mind.If at all something has to change at an individual level to be more open ,
to think out of the box towards inter-X marriages or towards the present society issues,In my view this is the place to start.
One more prominent and sensitive issue that most of the couples that chose to marry some one outside their zone ,is children. To which religion will they belong ?
To which enthnicity will they belong.Again its our natural tendency I guess to belong to some group.Can they belong to more than one single group ?
Is their something like I am both a christian and a Hindu ? Spriritually yes it is all one and the same.
But that doesnt stop there, children will be under a constant pressure to belong to some belief.Because religion is again something that a man made,So if you are following a
religion there are certain rules and rituals that you will stick to.Because of this the children of mixed parentage tend to align themselves to which ever religion or
faith that is more dominant in the family or dominant in the society.The common practice that inter-X parents take in this scenario is either leave the whole choice
upto the children with out even talking about it or decide upon one faith and influence them with it.In my view both are wrong. This is the place where communication
between parents and children holds utmost important.The gates of communication should always be open. Parents should constantly guide children through this as its not
only a new concept to the young heart but also to the more mature society around him.If possible parents have to settle down in sorroundings which is more acceptable to this
new revolution.
The third issue here is,whether the marriage would be acceptable to parents and the extended family. The extended family at the least parents acceptance might look like a minor
factor a the time of marriage for the young blood,but in a long term for the emotional security of the family their acceptance stands as a very important factor.The seperation
might result in a lack of emotional security both for the parents and especially children.The children need to be felt as part of the family ,they need to grow among
other family with people of different ages and temperaments.Sense of belonging is something that nature has welded into us and we cannot break it .The solution to this is
from both sides.Parents and other family members need to understand and respect the individuals decision and treat him as an adult.And its individuals responsibility
to persuade and clearly express his interests and why he made this choice.He needs to introspect more and analyze all the reasons why he wants to go ahead
with this marriage.The family togther if can ,should be open for discussion.
In this generation where the family values are constantly questioned,I am still a strong believer of this powerful institution called family.
I hope that I will translate all the ideas into actions and guide my children and make them a better human beings.No matter what kind of choice they make ,I will pray
God to give me the strength to guide them and most importantly be with them and not abandon them.I sincerely wish every child gets such support from their family.
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